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Saturday, August 06, 2005

Nathan 5 Years later

Wouldn't it be interesting if you could go back in time and tell the younger version of yourself some pearls of wisdom about your future?
Dear Young Nathan

Sorry this letter is late, you know how bad you are about procrastinating sometimes. But better late than never, I suppose. There are some things I need you to hear.

First of all, a belated congratulations on your graduation from high school. I know it has been the most unbearable journey, full of hard times and self-doubt. But you made it! You really made it. You didn’t give up the fight, you didn’t drop out or runaway. I know you wanted to, but now it’s all behind you. And next time you are in school (well college), you will be “popular”…I know you wanted to be. You will also be appreciated for your intelligence, and accepted as a gay man. So keep smiling, the best is yet to come.

It’s 5 years later now, and if a voice inside could have told you the future, I’m sure you would have liked to know a little about it. I can’t go back in time and prepare you for what comes next, but at least I can talk about it now.

Second of all, fuck all the people who brought you down. At the time, it may have seemed like they were on top, and I know you felt like an outcast. Big deal. You have always stuck to your own beliefs and morals. You’ve believed in your creative visions, you’ve avoided drugs, and you’ve tried to be an honest, genuine person. I know that’s hard when liars, backstabbers, and wannabes surround you.

In the large scope of life, acceptance from your high school peers meant nothing. When you come back to your hometown to visit, the people who brought you down will be suffering for their mistakes. Some of the biggest bullies will still be living with their parents, have no direction in life, and will wonder where they went wrong. They will be stuck in the same small town with nothing to show for all their years of arrogance.

You, on the other hand, will have a strong marriage, a successful career, and a great amount of respect and self-confidence. And best of all, you will have gained these things without compromising your character. So just remember that you took the high road.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying though. Life is always filled with ups and downs. You will suffer the effects of an unstable economy. People you love will die without any warning, and your heart will be broken. Relationships will fall apart when you thought they would last forever, and everything you think you know now will be turned upside down.

It will all workout, somehow. You will become stronger after each dramatic surprise or loss.

Third, and finally, please appreciate those who are still with you. Over time, you will get much better about this. A lot of friends will come and go. So far, your friend Winso is the only one who will stick around. But I only know the future as of today, so maybe there will be others.

And another friend will become your new love. I can’t elaborate on that too much because you think Dennis is the one right now. Well enjoy it while it lasts. He’s certainly “the one” for you right now. You’re 18, just starting out on your own, so just enjoy the times while you can.

In many ways, life just gets harder. But it does get better too. New lives will form, new loves will bloom, and new memories will take place.

Take care, young Nathan.


Nathan, 23

Posted by Nathan @ 1:20 PM


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