Nathan Exposed

Attention Google BlogSearch and MSN Search...

2005-10-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Search Engine Spiders:

You visited my blog every single day and indexed my content immediately (and obsessively). I loved you so much, we had a great 2 month affair.

Then I moved to my new domain name for Nathan Exposed http://www.nathanexposed.com. I thought you would understand it was all for the best. I thought you would see that it gave me the opportunity to write a lot more content and the chance to organize it better with categories.

I left a note here for you, and I'm sure that you've seen it because you indexed it. I gave you an open invitation to come to my new home. But you haven't, and I miss you :(

Where, oh where, are you Google and MSN? Don't you see how happy we can be? Jus think about all the fun content you're missing about the gay community, my sick sense of humor, music I love such as Madonna and Mariah Carey, comedians like Ellen Degeneres and Kathy Griffin. There is also plenty of great President Bush bashing.

Once again, my new blog is at Nathan Exposed

Drop by soon, you'll be glad you came ;) I'll make it good for you.

Love,
Nathan

Yes, I know spiders don't have feelings. But this is what I'd say if they did.

my secret has been exposed!

2005-09-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait to announce this, but I might as well come clean.

I have a new blog at NathanExposed.com. I've been working feverishly on it all weekend, and I'm making progress. I still have messages and comments to move over, plus a few messed up CSS bugs.

But my friend Michael over at popbytes has already found the blog and commented on it, so I think I'll go ahead and announce it.

So check it out, my new home is http://www.nathanexposed.com. Please update your bookmarks, blogrolls, and feeds. Thanks!

Libra Power!

2005-09-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

Google is fast on my blog (thank you Google).

On Thursday, I posted a very simple message saying 'Happy Birthday' to all the Libra's I know.

Within 48 hours, I came up on Page 1 of the search results for "Libra" on their Blog Search. See for yourself.

I bet people who find me that way are expecting some insightful analysis of Libra's.

Sorry guys, I don't have the answers. This bitch here is a Scorpio *snaps tail*

IQ Test: A Dumbass & A Smartass

2005-09-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

Apprently I'm a little bit of both.

I know real IQ Tests are very involved and require a lot of answers. But remember, I think I have ADD, so I don't have the patience for it.

So I took quick IQ test online and my score was 100. The national average is 90. The average for people in Tennessee was 94. So I'm smarter than your average guy.

But when it comes to being logical, apparently I'm a moron. Sidenote: There is a direct relationship between politics and IQ. People who voted Republican typically have a lower IQ than people who voted Democrat. Really, it's been surveyed.

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Average

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Weird News: Puppy Swallows 13 Inch Knife

2005-09-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

PLANTATION, Fla. (AP) - Jane Scarola's veterinarian thought the X-ray was a joke. He's seen strange items get into the stomachs of dogs before, things like kebab skewers and small utensils. But a 13-inch serrated knife that somehow was swallowed by a 6-month-old puppy?

That was a new one.

``I was just flabbergasted,'' the vet, Jon-Paul Carew of Imperial Point Animal Hospital in Fort Lauderdale, told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

Elsie, a Saint Bernard puppy, apparently had the blade between her esophagus and stomach for about four days before it was removed earlier this week in a 2-hour operation.

The puppy has an 8-inch scar, but is fine and back with her family. And the knife is back in Scarola's kitchen, albeit this time wrapped in a towel and placed in a cabinet atop the refrigerator.

``I'm going to frame it and give it to Dr. Carew,'' Scarola said. ``He should hang it. Everybody should know what puppies are capable of putting down their throats.''

Scarola used the knife to carve a turkey, and placed the blade on the counter - far from the edge.

She thinks one of her six other dogs - four Saint Bernards, a German shepherd and a Labrador - somehow got the knife, which eventually made its way to Elsie.

``She wants to eat everything and anything,'' Scarola said.

Information from: South Florida Sun-Sentinel http://www.sun-sentinel.com

Madonna "Confessions..." tracklisting

2005-09-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

Confessions on a Dancefloor

01) Hung Up
02) Get Together
03) Sorry
04) Future Lovers
05) I Love New York
06) Let It Will Be
07) Forbidden Love
08) Jump
09) How High
10) Isaac
11) Push
12) Like It Or Not

Source: Madonna.com

(Note: "Forbidden Love" was also track 7 on her 1994 Bedtime Stories CD. I doubt there is any connection, but it was something I noticed.)

Libra Season

2005-09-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

Well folks, starting tomorrow it's Libra season. I don't know how it happened, but a lot of the blogs I frequent are written by Libra's. And most of my friends outside the blogosphere are *also* Libra's.

So a very Happy Birthday to all you boys born in September and October. On a good day, you're warm, funny, witty, and charming. On a bad day.... well, you know how you can be ;)

Caption This #6

2005-09-22T15:44:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile... But this photo is "hotter than Cheney at a gay wedding"

What You've Been Missing...

2005-09-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

The end of September must be a special time for my fellow bloggers. Cory just celebrated his 1 year blogging anniversary, while Jackson recently celebrated his 4th year.

As for me...hell, I've barely been here very long. I'm coming up on 2 months. Despite my short run, I feel like taking a trip down memory lane.

These are some of my most visited posts (and also some of my favorites):

Watch out, he's cumming!

Morning Routine

Baby Steps to Fatherhood

Expose Yourself, Part 2

Dirty Dicks - The Sequel

"It only hurts when I breathe..."

You Don't Know...

I think I have Adult ADD

2005-09-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

It's hard to focus during the day. For some crazy reason, I still meet my deadlines and come out ahead. But it takes effort, and I have often thought I have ADD.

I'm easily distracted, and most recently my distraction is blogging. I love reading blogs, and I have to force myself to only take small breaks to read them.

I went to a site to take an online test to see if I have ADD. It just isn't fair! The test is 78 questions long! How can a person with ADD focus long enough to finish it?

I got to question 40, lost interest, and decided to post this instead. Yep, I've got ADD. If you don't have the attention span to take an ADD test, you probably have it.

Here's the test. It will open in a new window so you won't get ADD and forget where you came from ;)

Unconditional love.

2005-09-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has pets knows how great it is to always be loved no matter what kind of day you're having.

We have 2 cats. They are both very lovable, but they do have their favorites. Purr Purr is almost 5, and she tends to favor me. Prissy Magoo is 2, and she tends to favor Rodney. Sometimes Purr Purr will sleep with us at night, but she's very particular about it. She has to be in the middle of the bed, and she doesn't like to be bothered or moved.

Well last night, Purr Purr was in a spot and I just couldn't get comfortable. I picked her up and moved her next to me, but figured she'd get mad and jump off the bed. To my surprise, she snuggled up against my chest and then licked my arm. I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, she tilted her head so I could, and then she went back to sleep. It was so cute.

No matter what, I know at the end of the day both of them will be waiting at the door when we come home. It's nice to be loved.

Fuck Bush

2005-09-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

Over at Jackson's blog, he's added a new bumper sticker that says "Buck Fush". I love it!

Click here to buy one.

What's In Your $p@m Folder?

2005-09-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

I've had the same web-based e-mail address for 8 years now, and I am certain we will never part. Too bad I get so much damn spam, which will never go away since I will never close the account. But I stopped giving out my e-mail years ago, so hopefully it will never increase.

Here are some of today's subject line highlights:

- Get a Sony VAIO Laptop on us!
- A martini without the right glass just isn't the same.
- Vote now on XXX Prize! See the Winning Porn!
- Purchase voltmeters online (huh?).
- This 6.3 Megapixel Dig Cam could be yours!
- èñïîëíåíèå æåëàíèé (I get a lot of these...who would open that?)
- Re: Pxharmaceutical It Works Amaz ing

At least the Viagra offers stopped.

My first CD's

2005-09-20T14:23:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how I look forward to Madonna's new CD coming out. Then I realized I have been a fan of hers for over 15 years now. Wow, that's a long time. She really is incredible.

That lead me to realize my first CD was a Madonna CD. I got her album "True Blue" either in 1990 or 1991, I cannot remember which. I have no idea why I picked that to be my first. I had most of her others on cassette, I guess "True Blue" was the missing link. In addition to "True Blue", I also got the Nelson CD "After the Rain" at the same time.

And that's a little embarrassing. Madonna has stayed, but the long haired rockers of Nelson are long gone. For those of you who are too young to remember, CD's originally came in these tall boxes that had the actual CD + jewel case inside.

I miss those boxes. They were cool for some reason. They usually had additional artwork, which I liked. Believe it or not, if you ever go into a Sam's Club, I think they still have those damn boxes on new CD's :) I guess somebody liked them.

Pet Peeve #368: E-mail/Call/IM

2005-09-20T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's an annoyance when a co-worker e-mails me, then calls to tell me they have e-mailed me, then follows up with an instant message to see if I've read the e-mail yet.

It the same thing happens to you, I sympathize. And if you're one of those people who does this - get a life.

Hot Baptists vs. Trendy Priests

2005-09-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

This is too funny, I have to pass it on.

The Catholic church has a Matrix theme campaign to promote a new generation of ~~repressed homosexuals~~ priests. So Kirkkitsch created a mock campaign for the Baptists and posted it on his blog. I love it, he is full of funny, creative ideas.

Click here for Kirkkitsch's original post on the campaigns.

What are you searching for?

2005-09-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

It's always a trip to see what people are searching for when they end up on your blog. I'm going to post a few recent examples of how people found my blog:

Using Google Blog Search: searched for "cute girls snapshots flickr" (bet they were disappointed!)
http://blogsearch.google.com/blogsearch?hl=en&q=cute%20girls%20snapshots%20flickr&btnG=Search%20Blogs

Using MSN: searched for "toilet paper/urinals"
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=toilet%20paper%2Furinals&FORM=QBRE3

Between the "cute girls" and the "toilet paper" I think the search engines have got me all wrong. You will *never* see any cute girls on this blog. As for toilet paper... well, I still believe guys who don't wipe after they pee are Dirty Dicked Breeders.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

2005-09-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, we've all done these online personality tests. They are fun, and usually pretty accurate, though very generalized. Well now they are being re-invented for the blog age. My friend Sunshine is on a big personality test kick. He's taking all kinds of online tests and posting them. It's actually fun, and I'm learning a lot about him.

So here are the results of my pattern test. I picked an image that appealed to me, and it gave an analysis on how my mind works. Actually very accurate in my case.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.

Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...

But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.

You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain? Take the test and find out

The nightmare, part 2

2005-09-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was feeling all confident, and I wrote a post proudly announcing that all our personal problems were going to be over, and everything was going to be okay. What a perfect time for reality to slap us in the face.

On Friday morning, Rodney's Dad had a very serious heart attack. His Dad was with his employer outside, and he fell over flat on his face without warning. He was barely alive, his heart was only doing 4 beats per minute. He was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and in very critical condition.

Rodney called me at work, I rushed home, we packed up some stuff and headed over to Illinois. During the 3.5 hour trip, so many thoughts went through our heads. There was plenty of time to cry and think about all the bad things.

When we got there, his Dad just didn't look good. He could not breathe on his own, they had put him on life support. He was not conscious at all, and there was 90% blockage around his heart. They put a stent in behind his heart to open up the flow.

He had multiple heart attacks 2 years ago, and the doctor told him then he would probably only have 2 good years left. Ironically, the 2 year anniversary was just one day before this happened. So we wondered -- was his time up? Was this the end?

Skipping ahead, on Saturday his Dad woke up and eventually could breathe on his own. He started talking, but he was very disoriented. He continued to be extremely disoriented through Sunday. He remembered certain facts, but everything related to the hospital, the heart attack, etc.. he would forget. We were all very concerned about brain damage due to the lack of flow to his head during the heart attack.

Yesterday, his memory showed quite an improvement. So we're getting optimistic that he will recover. But there are still a lot of questions that will only be answered with time.

We still don't know what the future will hold. He remains in the Intensive Care unit, we are just praying that he continues to get better.

These things are very scary. I can't stand the thought of either one of us losing a parent. I know that day will come, and it's going to be very sad. One day at a time, I guess. We have to enjoy what time we have.

New Madonna Cover Revealed

2005-09-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

It's been a really rough weekend and I really should be blogging about more important issues. But right now I just wanted to make a quick post about something I look forward to -- Madonna's new album, Confessions on a Dance Floor, which comes out on Nov. 15th in the U.S.

So here it is, click the image to enlarge.

Courtesy of Madonna.com

Do the Dew

2005-09-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

DELTONA, Fla. - A convenience store worker has admitted urinating into a soda bottle, causing a customer who drank from it to become violently ill, his bosses say

The victim, a foreman with a Daytona Beach construction company, became suspicious of the drink after he chugged the beverage last week, his attorney, Daniel Newlin, said

"He vomited three or four times afterward," said Newlin, who did not release his client's name in order to protect the man's privacy.

Click here to read the full story.

Funny observations

2005-09-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

There are so many unusual things we see on the way to work each day. These are just a few from my perspective:

Undercover Cop?
While on the way to work this morning, I was behind this lady who had Fraternal Order of Police on the bottom of her license plate. I have no idea what that means, but obviously her vehicle is somehow registered with the police because it is a registered Tennessee plate. But then she had a sticker in her back window that said Mary Kaye. What??? Is she an undercover cop selling make-up?

That could be really clever. She would go to people's houses and deliver their order, but it would actually be a drug bust. Gotcha!

Happy Asia
I call her "Happy Asia". She's the painfully skinny Asian lady who is always walking. Every morning, I can count on seeing her walking down the street as I go to work. She always wears a white shirt, tucked into khaki shorts. Sometimes she has on big dorky headphones. Sometimes she wears a big straw hat! No matter what, she always looks content. She has an easy glide, she's just moving along at a casual pace, and seems so peaceful with her life.

But she literally does walk every morning and evening. And Rodney has seen her in the afternoon, so this lady walks at least 3 times a day. I think she might have an eating disorder, judging by the amount she walks and how skinny she is. Nobody walks that much.

And does she work? How can she afford to always be walking and never working? Maybe she gets paid to test the lifespan of tennis shoes. And she has to see how much she can walk to wear them out. Whatever, I love you Happy Asia Lady!

Thou Shalt Not Kill
Anytime you see a car with American Flag bumber stickers, you are guaranteed to also see a "W" sticker close by. Well this morning, I saw a bumber sticker that said "The Ten Commandments"... of course, it was under a big fat "W" sticker.

Hmmm... wasn't there something in there about "Thou Shalt Not Kill"? How exactly do you justify killing all these innocent people in Iraq?

The Casual Arm
Anytime I see a driver with their left arm resting casually outside their car window, you know it's going to be slow going. And they are always in front of me, in the left lane. How and why? The casual arm is the universal symbol for not being in any hurry at all. They are driving 20 MPH down the road, and there is no way you are getting around them. These people don't have a care in the world, and are not the least bit concerned about the people behind them. Nor do they have any interest in getting in the right lane. They've got a left turn coming up in 20 miles and they want to be prepared!

I wish I could be a carefree asshole like that.

The nightmare is over...

2005-09-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

This summer started out pretty rough, and it's seemed to be a downhill thing ever since.

At the end of May, my Dad's doctor discovered that Dad's heart was extremely blocked, and predicted my Dad would have a massive heart attack and probably pass away within 4 weeks.

4 weeks...do you have any idea how short that is?

Just to imagine not having my Dad in my life is unbearable. This was when we still lived in North Carolina. So the first week of June, my Dad was taken in to have triple bypass surgery. It was too scary to even imagine my Dad being operated on. Rodney and I rushed home on a plane to be there. Seeing Dad wheeled off to surgery brought us all to tears.

With a lot of prayer, a lot of faith, and a lot of support, Dad made it through the surgery. This was very traumatic.

The day after his surgery, when we were on the way to the hospital to see him, a bitch ran a red light and smashed up our rental car. On top of all the emotional stress, we had this. And I was injured, so I felt like shit.

We were scheduled to move to Tennessee 2 weeks later, so we spent time with the family, then had to fly back to NC, pack up our home, finish out our careers there, and move everything to Nashville. June was very rough, but thankfully we all made it out alive.

Everything took a turn for the worse with our insurance. Even though the original investigation clearly found that girl who hit us at fault, all the facts were ignored on and State Farm claimed we were at fault for the wreck. So we spent the remainder of the summer fighting that.

I shouldn't have taken it so personally, but I did. I felt personally offended that this bitch put us through hell in the wreck, then we were taking the fall for it. Unbelievable.

So I spent way too many days and nights feeling pissed about that, and fought with everything we could.

But for the first time in a loooong time, I am starting to feel peace. We have found new insurance who is willing to ignore the wreck because of the facts and the police report. So even though the "at fault" won't be erased for 3 years from records, at least we can pretend they were. We have exhausted every outlet, and it looks like there is no chance our current insurance will take our side. So our only choice is to drop the bastards and start with a new set of coverage.

But today, poor Rodney... He was basically in a wreck. He was driving to work on the interstate, and this huge piece of metal flew out of a truck, hit the car, knocked off 2 rims, and roughed up the bottom of the car. We don't know if any damage was done under the car, but the rims are gone now. The scratches aren't too bad, and thankfully God was with Rodney to keep him from being hurt.

So it seems the bad news continued. But I am really making an effort to bring optimism into our lives. We've had a shitty run. My Dad is healthy and recovering, so that's good news. We are dropping the insurance that has irritated us all summer. I think I have found an alternate route for Rodney to get to work, so maybe he can avoid all the dangerous shit on Nashville's intersate system by taking some backroads instead.

I really feel like the nightmare is finally going to leave us alone. I am ready to stop being angry all the time. I am ready to rest easier and enjoy myself.

It felt good to get that all out. It has been so long since I really opened up on my blog. I'm looking for better days to come.

Blog Addict

2005-09-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

I think Blogging is like any other addiction or obession. I started in July every couple of days and by the end of August I was doing in on a daily basis. By September, I was sometimes posting multiple times in a day.

I reached a point where I was always thinking about it, and always looking for new information on other blogs too. I would come home from work and jump on the computer instead of eating dinner. Then I'd hang out on blogs until late at night, not get much sleep, then start again the next day. Pretty unhealthy.

But my friend Jackson told me I'd get over it, and he was right. I think I'm finally finding balance. Hmm... this was going to be a somewhat tongue in cheek post, comparing blogging to drugs. But the humor has passed. Oh well, at least I got it off my chest. Time for bed after one more post ;)

9/11/05

2005-09-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a day late with this post, but yesterday I wasn't able to blog so I wanted to post a short note today. I mainly wanted to pay tribute to all those affected by 9/11/01 and say that you are still in our hearts.

I recently found out that one of the bloggers I frequent actually survived 9/11. It's amazing who we meet through our blogs.

Anyway, as I've said in other posts, God be with you.

Caption This #5

2005-09-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Can you guess the gender of the photographer? Look closely.

I love this photo, because the punchline is subtle.

Watch out, he's cumming!

2005-09-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the commercial for Alan Cumming's new cologne... called "Cumming"?

It's the gayest cologne ad I've ever seen. Here's the set-up:

Alan comes home, greets his dog, and starts getting undressed. Cut to some scenes where he's rolling around in bed naked, then cut back to the scenes of him getting undressed piece by piece. Throw in some scenes of his bare ass walking around, and you've got a classic gay ad.

It really took balls to film an ad like this... and believe me, he's sure got 'em (you can see them dangling). My only complaint is the gigantic bushes growing out of his armpits - he needs to trim those fuckers. And I think we all could have done without the eye shadow and weird dog scenes.

Despite it's strangeness, it's a brave campaign. The cologne name is so gay to begin with, why not do a naked gay commercial? At the end he says "I'm cumming..." :)

Click here for see the commercial.

Anti-Bush bumper stickers

2005-09-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

If you are looking for Anti-Bush bumper stickers, my friend Jackson has the original Impeach Bush stickers.

Visit Jackson's online store.

Impeach Bush - Sept. 24, 2005

2005-09-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

I hate getting political because it really brings out the worst feelings in me. But thousands of innocent people continue to die as a result of the sloppy way our country is run.

It may be politics, but it is also human life we are dealing with. So please participate in the following:

On September 24, thousands of Americans are banding together to promote the impeachment of George W. Bush. A fellow blogger described it like this:
-------------
"President Bush has totally and utterly failed the American people. Almost every day we are presented with further proof why he should not be our president. From 9/11, to WMDs, to Iraq, to Katrina-- the reasons are many and obvious. We need to impeach him NOW.

The only point that should be discussed is-- "IMPEACH BUSH NOW!" We need to pound this point over and over again. It should be mentioned wherever possible, and it should not stop until the mainstream media and all politicians realize that we, the people, will not stand for gross negligence, willful and wanton misconduct, nor the utter lies, any longer."
-------------

For more information on how to take action, please visit VoteToImpeach.org and sign the petition to support the actions. I know you probably read these like this all the time---

But there is no doubt the American people MUST SPEAK UP and demand a change.

WE DESERVE BETTER! When is the last time you felt good about our president?

Special thanks to the Martian Anthropologist for his blog entry that brought this to my attention.

Music Flashback - Sept. 2000

2005-09-08T16:25:00.000-07:00

At this time 5 years ago, the #1 song on Billboard was Madonna's "Music". Has it really been that long?

That sure does bring back memories. I remember when Madonna was American. She's British now, you know... she has the fake accent to prove it.

Come to think of it, I also remember when Madonna was black. And then there was that time in 1999 when she was a geisha.

Oh, Madonna... nothing ever stays the same, huh? Anyway, I loved "Music" as I love all of Madonna's albums. And I look forward to her new album coming out this year.

The world was such a different place in September 2000.

Morning Routine

2005-09-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

I love it when I ask an open question on my blog, and other people respond to me on their blog. Seeing my name on their site is always flattering.

So I was wondering... what is your morning routine? How do you start your day? Are you high maintenance, low maintenance, etc...

Here is mine:

- Get out of bed after alarm has been going off for 30-50 minutes (I'm a heavy sleeper).

- Pet our cats, who are sleeping on the bed or near it.

- Take a shower, dry off, put on underwear

- Shave, and put contacts in

- Put on body lotion and anti-perspirant

- Go downstairs and eat Total cereal and drink water (boring, huh?)

- Go upstairs, put on my shirt, and then style my hair with glue

- Wash my face, brush my teeth, scrape my tongue (very important), and rinse with Listerine

- Put on my pants, socks, belt and shoes

- Grab my rosary, stomach medicine, wallet, and cell phone

- Kiss Rodney while he's sleeping

- Pack my lunch, give the cats their treats, and I'm out of the door

Whew. That made me tired just writing about it. I *am* high maintenance and it takes me an hour to get ready.

By the way, I purposely left out the obvious parts about using the bathroom.

Now...what do you do in the morning?

Are you color blind?

2005-09-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

Today my friends Jackson and Cory were taking a color blind test online, and I joined in as well. There are different levels of being color blind.

Actually a lot of men have some sort of color blindness. Some hues affect 1 out of 12 men. Interesting huh? You might not even know it.

Here's a quick online test for color blindness. Each one is a little more difficult, so you might have to stare for a bit:

Click here to take the color blind test.

When things are bad, God Be with You

2005-09-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm not very religious, I do consider myself very spiritual. When I was growing up, my Mother would tell me "God Be with You" every morning before I went to school.

Those 4 words brought me comfort, and they still do today. I felt like today was bad for numerous reasons. Other people have been having a bad day/week too. Maybe it's the stars and planets, I don't know.

Whatever you're going through, I just want to say "God Be with You." If you don't believe in God, disregard this.

But if you do believe in God, just know that are you never alone. I know one guy who is mourning the anniversary of a death. I know another guy who has ended an 11 year relationship. And another guy who was disappointed by a missed opportunity for the 4th time.

Whatever it is, take care of yourself. And if you need someone to listen, I will listen to you.

Related Post: "You were created for a specific purpose" 08/18/05

Caption This #4

2005-09-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

Isn't this freaky looking? Someone carved the features of a woman's head out of a watermelon and filled the eyes with grapes. It took a lot of talent to do this, but it also just looks scary.

Click to enlarge

One of Life's Great Mysteries

2005-09-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

I read this insightful article questioning some of the regular oddities we encounter in life. Here is an excerpt:
-------------
"What has happened to all the men at the construction sites that clog traffic in every city where I travel? The cones are there, permanently narrowing the lanes as dramatically as bacon fat clogs my arteries. Now and then you spot someone in a hard hat, smoking. Other than that, it’s a ghost town out there. Where have all the workers gone? Are they meeting in some secret location, laughing about what they have done to the traffic? Can they be found, so that they finish a project or two before I die or retire, whichever comes first?"
-------------

I couldn't agree more! Click here to read the entire article by Stanley Bing.

DVD Review: Diary of a Mad Black Woman

2005-09-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

This isn't a real "review" because it's getting late and I mainly want to say how much I liked "Diary of a Mad Black Woman."

It was so funny, and I recommend it to anyone. Aside from the general good humor and life lessons, it had a scene mocking Whitney Houston that I had to watch several times.

When I started my blog, one of my first posts was talking about how crazy Whitney Houston is on "Being Bobby Brown" and how she is always yelling "Bobby!!!!!!"

Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed it. There is a court scene in this movie where the judge says the next case is going to be Bobby Brown. Then you hear a woman yell "Bobby!!! Bobby, I love you!!!" And the judge says something like "Calm down, Ms. Houston."

Bobby and Whitney have nothing to do with the movie plot, it was just funny to see them mock Whitney's constant yelling for Bobby.

For more info about the movie, visit the film's promotional website. Let me know if you've seen it, I want to know what you think.

Exposure Down Under

2005-09-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

These homos in Australia have really caught on to my post about "exposing" themselves :)

Yesterday, Sunshine posted photos of his ultra-modern home with a great narrative tour. And Kerri posted photos of her refrigerator, complete with dirty words hidden in the magnets.

The concept is simple: take a photo of something in your home and post it on your blog with details about the items in the photo. You can learn a lot about someone just by seeing their home.

Try it on your blog, and let me know when it's posted.

Blogs I'm Reading

2005-09-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

The blogs listed on the left-hand side of my site are ones I actually do read on a daily basis and I know most of the authors personally. They aren't a link exchange.

The hard part is removing them if I stop reading them. I want to be honest on my blog, and if I decide to stop reading a blog, I can no longer say it's a "blog I'm reading" because it wouldn't be true.

Today I removed a link to a really nice guy that I like talking to, and I feel kind of bad about it. The problem is that his blog just became too heavy for me. I think he's a smart guy who will understand where I'm coming from.

I also removed a funny, lighthearted blog last week. He was also a really nice guy. My only problem is that he added this bright background with white text over it, which makes it impossible to read. It's even worse in the RSS feed because it's white text on a white background. Since I can no longer read it, I had to remove the link.

So I wanted to let it be known that the "Blogs I'm Reading" section will change on a regular basis. If I stop reading your blog, the link is coming down. But don't take it to heart.

A painting we will go....

2005-09-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

I've been such a bum today. When I have a day off, it goes by too quickly. When I am working, it goes by slowly.

Well it's 1:46pm here in Nashville, and I need to eat lunch and take a shower. Then, if I can force myself to, I need to go check out paint for our guest bedroom. Rodney is at work, he'll be so impressed that I even got out of bed, much less went out :)

So we decided we would probably go with Lemon Twist for the walls. But now I'm thinking about also using Parakeet. We could paint the top section of the walls Lemon Twist and the bottom section Parakeet, so it would be split.

Nah, that would be a pain in the ass. Maybe we'll just paint the doors parakeet and the walls yellow. Or maybe I'll just eat and then go back to bed.

UPDATE: We didn't get the Lemon Twist because Sherwin Williams was closed. I was in the mood to paint, so we went to Homo Depot and found a great alternative called Kayak Yellow. We're actually really happy with it. I'll post pics when it's done. These damn purple walls take a lot of paint to cover up.

Baby Steps to Fatherhood

2005-09-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

This Labor Day weekend has been all about the babies for me. Rodney and I traveled to be with our family and had a great time. I got to spend time with my 4-year-old niece and my 5-month-old nephew. I love them both so much.

I don't have a lot of experience with children. I was the youngest child of 3 and most of my Mom's friends were done having children as well, which means I grew up around a lot of kids my age, but very few babies.

I'm now in my mid-20's, and each year I have become more interested in children. With each new birth in the family, I have worked to become more involved.

Someday down the road, Rodney and I will have children. Because he is 11 years older than I am, there is a definite presence of ticking clocks. Age-wise, we really need to have a child today in order for things to balance out. If we do it now, I will feel like I'm a bit too young. If we do it later, it will feel like Rodney is a bit too old.

The happy medium

Rodney still feels like he is in his 20's. He is youthful, energetic, and doesn't even look his age. "You're only as old as you feel" and Rodney has no worries about how the age gap might affect raising children. So as long as he feels young, then our ages will balance out.

He also has plenty of experience with children. He basically raised his 2 nephews, who are now in their early 20's. Rodney is great with children. I get inspired every time I see him with them. They love him, and it makes me look forward to the future.

Ideally, I would like Rodney to be able to quit work and raise our child(ren). If we can do it financially, he supports the idea. I guess I'm old-fashioned in the belief that one parent should stay home and take care of the child, cook, and take care of the home. Rodney is excellent at all these things.

And somewhere I would learn about being a father myself. Nobody is ever really prepared for children when they first start out. It's a learning experience, and I know I would pick up on it. This past weekend really has me thinking about when.

So those are my baby steps to fatherhood. I'm learning a lot from my nieces and nephews.

New "Ellen" on Monday

2005-09-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

A new episode of "The Ellen Degeneres Show" will be on this Monday, Labor Day! She's my favorite comedian, and a person insiration to me. Season 3 wasn't supposed to start until Tuesday, Sept. 6 2005. But in response to Hurricane Katrina, she has filmed a special fundraiser episode in which Warner Bros. is donating $500,000 and has pledged to match donations up to another $500,000...totally a potential donation of over $1 Million.

I am so glad that she will have a special episode for the relief efforts. Be sure to watch it. You can find out more information on Ellen's website.

Ellen grew up near New Orleans and the hurricane has been a devastation to her and her family. If you haven't donated already, please help.

A letter to George W. Bush from Michael Moore

2005-09-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

I love Michael Moore...he is very good at getting the point across with a strong, clear message. Today he posted an open letter to Bush on his website. Click here to read the letter.

Thanks for bringing this to my attention, popbytes.

Expose Yourself, Part 2

2005-09-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

Continuing the trend I'm starting of people posting snapshots from inside their home, this is my next contribution. I'm cheating a little because this is actually not our house. It's a photo taken 4 months ago from the apartment we had in Raleigh, NC. But the story behind it is too cute to pass up.

Overview: Rodney works in an industry that requires flexible hours, and sometimes he has to work at night. When that happens, he doesn't get home until close to Midnight, and I stay at home with our baby girls (our 2 cats). We're so sad without our Rodney :(

When Rodney is on his way home, he calls me and Purr Purr (in the photo) knows it's him. She starts making this excited sound when the phone rings. Then she goes and sits by the door to wait patiently for him. This photo was taken one night while she was waiting at the door.

Couch: A bright red couch in our living room. We love it, and it's always the center of attention when we have guests. A contrasting lime green throw is on the top of it.

Artwork: I created a series of 3 different striped patterns in Adobe Illustrator, printed, matted, and framed them.

Tables: Distressed wood tables with grill-style trays underneath for storage. I bought Rodney the lamp from Kirkland's (he loves that store) and it's red with this glass texture like rock candy. There are also some Feng Shui items on the table, a striped bowl that matches the artwork, the phone, a Yankee Candle, and a flower arrangement by Rodney.

Okay, bloggers - your turn. Show me yours and I'll show you more of mine.

More People "Exposed"

2005-09-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

People as far away as Australia are "exposing" themselves! I posted an entry last night with a photo from our house and said I am always curious to peek inside other people's homes (you can learn so much!). Well Miss Kerri, a sweet and sassy girl from "down under" responded by posting a photo of her bedroom on her blog. Thanks Kerri, love the stripes.

And then Purple Twinkie posted a comment with a link to a photo of his computer, bed and TV.

So now I *know* I'm not the only nosey person here who likes seeing what other people have in their house. Keep exposing yourself, bloggers, inquiring eyes want to see what you've got!

Expose Yourself

2005-08-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

You can tell a lot about a person by the items in their house. Whenever somebody posts their picture on a blog, I catch myself focused more on the background instead of the foreground. Yeah, I see you, I know what you look like... but what's that on your table? What kind of computer do you use? What's in your refrigerator?

I thought it would be an interesting experiment if bloggers took snapshots of items in their house, and explained its origin or purpose. Maybe I'll start a trend. Here's my first contribution with details below:

Overview: This is a shelf in our guest bedroom/home office. The walls are painted lilac from the previous owners. We plan to paint them a new color very soon. Lilac is fine, but not for this room.

Clock: Rodney got me this kind of retro fun clock, part of the room's blue and green colors.

Flower Arrangement: Rodney did this almost 2 years ago, and I've kept it ever since. I think he does a great job with flowers.

The "Thank You" Angel: Rodney gave me this after I took care of him in 2004. He had all of his wisdom teeth pulled (never a fun thing) and after he recovered, he gave me this. It means a lot to me.

Ceramic "shot glasses": My great friend Winso made these for me while he was taking a class. I think it was 1998, but it may have been 1999. There is a little note inside the one in the back. They are special to me because he made them himself. One of them has a hand engraved with the middle finger sticking up! That's Winso's unique sense of humor.

The great thing about writing this post is that it made me realize everything I put on this shelf was given to me by someone who loves me. That's a nice thing to be reminded of. Thanks Rodney and Winso. I love you both.

Okay, bloggers... your turn. I wanna see something from your home.

Purple Twinkie

2005-08-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

Last night, I started reading a very funny blog that I want to mention, called Purple Twinkie.

It's funny and lighthearted; a welcome break from the outside world. On a daily basis, Scott posts funny photos, quotes, and topics. I think Scott has a natural sense of humor. Some people are really funny, but you can tell they are trying a little bit. I think Scott's humor just kind of rolls out, and it's refreshingly funny.

So that's why I wanted to call attention to this great blog. I even made an icon for him, because I like to post a photo every time I write :)

Keep up the great work, Scott. Visit Purple Twinkie now.

Lend a helping hand

2005-08-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

I know it's easy to become immune to all the requests for donations in this world. It's so common to be asked for money, and sometimes you don't even know if an organization is trustworthy.

The effects of Katrina are very real, and it makes me sad to think of all the people without homes now...and even worse, those who have died. It's going to take millions to rebuild the areas where Katrina struck. I can't even imagine where to begin.

The Network for Good has compiled a very clear, easy to nagivate page for you to choose a charity to donate to. These are all well known, reputable places to send your money. I strongly urge you make a donation... even if it's just a few dollars. Don't fall for that excuse "What difference will a few dollars make?". Believe me, it helps.

If you make a donation, be proud of yourself, because you've done something nice for someone else. And leave a comment on my blog so I can recognize your act of kindness. I want you to know I'm proud of you.

Click here for the list of safe, secure places to make a donation.

Thanks,

Nathan

Quick Bytes

2005-08-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

A couple of quick news items I want to note:

- During all of the chaos of Katrina, a CNN weatherman got angry during his report on live TV and went off on Carol. "Let me talk, Carol!" Click here to watch the video clip in Quicktime. Link courtesy of CrooksAndLiars.com.

- The Ruby slippers from the 1939 classic "The Wizard of Oz" were stolen from a Grand Rapids museum. That sucks, I loved that movie. Read the article on Yahoo! News.

- And in "Big Brother" news, apparently the Dutch version might feature a live birth on the show. Very bad idea, but I'm sure the ratings will be huge. Read the complete story.

Speaking of "Big Brother", tonight is a new episode of the U.S. show.

Turn on your headlights

2005-08-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

You never know when stating the obvious will have an impact. So maybe this entry will stick with someone...

Here in Nashville, we didn't catch nearly as much aftermath of Katrina as expected. We did have some heavy rains and winds, and it was hard to see sometimes on my drive to work. But it's like that anytime we have rain here. Water sprays up from cars and creates that mist that's hard to see through.

Even with it being rainy and dark, idiots were still driving around without their damn lights on. That was so frustrating because sometimes I couldn't see the car until I was right up on it. Then I had to slam on my brakes. And other people were driving way past 70mph, even though the roads were slick.

I know what it's like to be in a hurry. Very stressful. But there is never an excuse to be wreckless. We have wrecks all the time here in Nashville. I've even seen national reports that show Nashville has some of the worst roads in the U.S., plus bad drivers, a lot of construction, and a lot of wrecks.

With all that considered, it's not asking too much to just say "Hey, turn on your headlights. It isn't very hard, you just flick a switch." And try not to speed, because it is harder to brake when the roads are wet.

In addition, no matter what the weather is, ALWAYS use your turn signal. I do not have psychic powers, I do not know you're going to haul your Big Soccer Mom SUV into my lane unless you use your signal and tell me. If you don't use your signal, I'm going to use mine --- my middle finger and my carhorn.

It isn't worth it to risk people's lives just because you're a dumbass behind the wheel. If everyone followed these very basic steps, I don't think I would see so many wrecks on my way to and from work.

On a side note, my thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by Katrina. I'm very sorry for your loss.

DVD Review: The Ring Two

2005-08-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

Last night, we watched "The Ring Two". It starts out with the obvious... that deadly video tape has made its way to a small town, and it's wreaking havoc on the young teens who pass it around. The survivor Rachel and her son from the first film just happen to live in this small town.

Rachel, played by Naomi Watts, finds the tape and burns it. Now she's went and pissed off that little girl from the well... what's her name, Smegma? Just kidding, but it's something with an "S".

Taking a completely pointless turn, Smegma gets inside the body of Rachel's son and possesses him. Now Rachel's son is running around killing people, and Rachel has to find a way to get the demon out of her son.

So Rachel makes a random visit to the scene of the crime, where that video tape was filmed. Then she hunts down some nuns in a Catholic convent, which leads her to Smegma's birth mother (played by Sissy Spacek), who is of course locked up in an institution.

Okay that's all I can say. I've already summarized the first 90 mins of the film. If I say anymore, I'll ruin the ridiculous ending where Rachel drowns her son/Smegma in the tub, then goes to the well and closes the lid so Smegma can never get out again.

Oops, damn... I said it all. That's the movie. Rachel went to the well to close the lid, which she should have done in the first movie. The End.... or is it?

Windows Woes

2005-08-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

I just checked out my blog on Windows using Internet Explorer, and the new "Exposed 2.0" design looked awful on it. If you're using Windows and/or Internet Explorer, you probably weren't able to read my blog over the weekend. But I have adjusted the code to be functional on IE now.

So I'm kind of embarrassed, because I hate to put out bad code. As much as I hate Internet Explorer, I do want my work to look good on every platform. So that part of it does suck.

On the other hand, I can't pass up the opportunity to bitch at Microsoft a little. The coding on my blog looked fine on every other major browser. Alternate browsers are built around today's code standards and are intelligent enough to decipher my CSS code and properly display my blog.

Your product (Internet Exlorer), on the other hand, constantly fucks up good code. It's always in the headlines for new vulnerabilities. I really feel it's completely worthless. And that's exactly why your market share is dropping every month. More and more people are realizing better browsers are out there. And they are making the switch.

So, again, if you visited my site using IE this past weekend, I'm sorry that it didn't display properly. But on the other hand, you really should consider switching to Firefox. It's a great browser, free to download and better than any other browser that exists today. Better yet, buy a Mac.

Dreaming about blogging

2005-08-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had a dream about blogging. You know you're a converted blogger when you're thinking about what to post on your blog while you're asleep.

I really think about blogging more now than ever. During the weekend, I was wondering how everyone was doing out in the world of blog. I wondered if Cory was having a good time with his daughter Brenley. I wondered what kind of political heat Jackson was busy stirring up. I wondered if Matt was going to get hit by a hurricane in Florida. And I wondered if Alex was going to get lucky on his weekend trip to the Hamptons.

Thanks to blog technology, all my questions were answered when each of these guys posted to their blogs. Now I know.

Exposed 2.0

2005-08-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Well I'm feeling quite happy right now. I finally got this blog broken in with a custom design. I started out using Blogger.com templates and I quickly became bored with those. So I came up with the idea of taking a picture of myself with my pants down, hence the whole "naked truth about life" theme. So I got that worked out and I tried adding it to a Blogger template. That was a pain, it was hard working with someone elses' CSS coding. The end result was gaping spaces and inconsistent graphics and colors.

So I spent a huge chunk of last night and today testing the CSS and coming up with a layout I liked. You're looking at the end result... Nathan Exposed 2.0.

I started out with some heavy background colors today, but toned them down for easy reading. I think people with large monitors will dislike the extra space on the right, but my goal was a very stripped down, easy to read blog. So I've implemented some of the basics for online content -- readible font sizes, left aligned margins, etc..

There are still a few places where CSS code is messed up. But I'll get those worked out.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm a graphic/web designer? If I haven't, I'm saying it now :) Anyway, enjoy the new look. I'll try to post before and after screencaps sometime.

Random Cuteness

2005-08-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

Just some photos I found on Yahoo! News. Click any picture to enlarge.

Caption This #3

2005-08-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, huh? [Photo from Yahoo! News]

Happy Anniversary, Breeders

2005-08-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

In honor of my blog's 1 month anniversary, I'm posting this photo in tribute to the 2 dirty dicked breeders who inspired me to start it. If it weren't for you, I probably never would have blogged. Thanks guys.

Summer Nights

2005-08-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

Aw, the end of summer is nearing. I can just feel it. Maybe it's the fact that temperatures are finally somewhat tolerable. Or maybe it's because when I go to a store, I see displays for Back-to-School, Halloween, and Christmas all at one time (bitches!).

It's been nice. I started out the summer in a completely different city. So much has changed, but I'm glad. I like to go walking at night and think about my life, the world around me, and other deep topics. In Raleigh I walked around this gorgeous, authentic "neighborhood". It wasn't one of those cookie cutter ones that are all too common now.

Now, in Nashville, I do the same thing at night. Even though I live in South Nashville, in a residential area with very steep, winding hills, I found this amazing spot up the street. If I walk there, I can see the entire skyline of the city. Downtown Nashville is well over 20 minutes away, but all I have to do is go outside and I'm there.

And airplanes pass over our house constantly. If you ever fly to Nashville, just know that you're stopping by our house on the way. My Dad loves planes, he is always fascinated with them. So when I see or hear a plane, I think of him.

I'll continue to enjoy the summer nights as long as I can. It's went by too fast, but that's how life is.

Caption This #2

2005-08-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Look at him, he's so proud of himself :)
Post your caption in the Comments.

The Great Cock Hunt

2005-08-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

How's that for a title?

Today, a guy named Alex commented on my blog and said he likes reading it (thank you Alex). He also said I should tag his blog. Not only am I tagging your blog, Alex, I'm going to write a whole entry about you.

From what I've read, Alex is a very interesting guy. I read his profile and he's a kinky, self proclaimed cock hunter who has a fetish for fucking "straight" guys. Then I checked out his blog and read all about his sexual adventures.

See, I told you he was interesting. I love hearing people talk about their lives. And Alex certainly has some stories to tell.

You know I'm actually a pretty conservative person. I've been in a monogamous marriage with my partner Rodney for going on 5 years. I've never had one night stands or picked up a stranger at a bar. I'm actually very family oriented.

So when a guy like Alex comes along, and leads such a different life than mine, I have to talk about it :)

Alex's blog, titled "The Great Cock Hunt", can be read at http://boyblogspot.blogspot.com/. I don't advise clicking this link if you're at work.

Hillary '08?

2005-08-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

This week's cover of Newsweek features an article about Hillary Clinton becoming our next president in 2008. She has a lot of support and it looks like a strong possibility. I've heard this discussed often, and my first reaction was that it's a good thing. My reason is simple - having the first female president would piss off all kinds of discriminating assholes.

Making good decisions for our country does not require a penis.A strong-minded, intelligent woman could easily run it.

My problem is that Hillary openly opposes gay marriage. And Bill got the discrimination ball rolling while he was in office. People often forget he started the "Marriage Protection Act," which defined marriage as "between a man and a woman."

So Hillary's husband started the damage, and George W. took it even further. So what new damage would Hillary do? On the other side of the coin, I know a Republican isn't going to support gay marriage anytime soon. So Democrat is the only way to go in '08.

The silver lining is that Hillary does support civil unions. Yeah, I know, it's still bullshit, but at least it's a step forward instead of backwards.

gettin' sticky with it

2005-08-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

This morning I watched a stick-figure re-enactment of the Fatboy Slim video "Weapon of Choice". I highly recommend it for a good laugh and good use of Flash animation. I'm sure a lot of time went into the minimalist stick design.

Watch the full video by clicking here.

A tribute to Raleigh

2005-08-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

Leaving behind Raleigh, NC has been a difficult thing for my partner Rodney. I think he likes it here in Nashville, but he still has a lot of sad spells about Raleigh. We made a lot of memories there, and left behind some great friends.

I do love Raleigh, it's a good city. The choice to move to Nashville was primarily because our family is 3 hours away. And I'm pretty sure Rodney thinks I'm insensitive for just packing up and moving without really stopping to reflect on our lives in Raleigh. Moving is stressful and busy. It's easy to get wrapped up in things and not appreciate the last few days in your home. I'm guilty of that.

But this morning I was thinking about Raleigh, and realized I never really became close to anybody. Most of our friends were friends of Rodney's. I have a few Raleigh friends of my own that I keep in touch with, but it's always very casual. I have a bad habit of not letting anybody know the real me. As a result, I don't get very close to people.

So if I were extremely close to friends in Raleigh, I'm sure I would be in a lot of pain right now. As for the city itself, I do miss it, but it's a city. I feel like it will always be there, we can always go back to visit.

Since I didn't say it sooner, I'm saying it now -- Farewell Raleigh. You're a great southern city, with a lot of charm, and endless potential. I loved your seasons, I loved your people, and I loved your style. I look forward to meeting you again.

And as for getting close to people, maybe I'll make some great friends here in Nashville. Maybe I'll open up more, and let them see who's inside.

Caption This

2005-08-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

Post a caption in the Comments. I know you want to.

Dirty Dicks - The Sequel

2005-08-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION GAY GUYS - Do you wipe your dick after you pee?

Last Sunday, I posted an entry about how I find it annoying when gay-themed movies have a scene in the bathroom, and the guy doesn't wipe his dick or wash his hands.

The point of my rant was that it isn't a realistic depiction of gay men. I've asked just about every gay guy I know, and they all wipe their dicks.

But these 2 breeders I work with insist that there is no reason to wipe. And they also pointed out that urinals don't have toilet paper. Urinals were probably designed by dirty dicked breeders, so those don't count. Urinals are gross, backsplash is a bitch.

Anyway... they are your dicks, do what you want with them. But I think this is a HILARIOUS debate and I want to ask the gay guys who read this.

So comment below (no breeders).

Tag this

2005-08-18T06:25:00.000-07:00

This morning, I discovered that I've been "tagged" on Matt's blog, and of course I was curious to find out what that meant. Remember, I'm new to the blogs.

Matt was asked to list 10 songs he likes, and also 5 blogs that haven't been tagged yet. My blog was one of them :)

So now I am to list 10 songs I'm listening to and 5 blogs. Okay, in no particular order...

01. Jim Verraros "So Deep"
02. Mariah Carey "We Belong Together"
03. Keith Urban "Days Go By"
04. Rob Thomas "All That I Am"
05. Darren Hayes "Darkness"
06. Sugarland "Baby Girl"
07. Kelly Clarkson "Hear Me"
08. Michael Buble "Feelin' Good"
09. Natasha Bedingfield "These Words"
10. Papa Roach "Scars"

As for 5 blogs, I don't visit very many. Who should I tag? I'm no fun, guys. But thanks for the link Matt.

You were a created for a specific purpose

2005-08-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

Every morning, when I get on the interstate to go to work, the first thing I see is a billboard that says "You were created for a specific purpose". My assumption is that the billboard is funded by some religious group here in Nashville, but I don't know for sure because that's all the billboard says.

No matter who put it there, I really like seeing it. Each time I see it, I think it's a nice reminder that we all have purpose in our lives. No matter what happens, I feel like we are loved.

So anybody who needs to be reminded on this right now, or anybody who is feeling down about something, just remember that
"You were created for a specific purpose" and I'm glad you are here in this world.

The Joy of Macs

2005-08-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

How could I go on blogging for a little over 3 weeks now and never mention Mac - the other love of my life?

In short, it is the absolute best computer on the market today. It costs more upfront, because it's better in the long run. If you already own a Mac, you know what I mean. If you don't own a Mac, I know you've thought about it.

I don't care if the majority of the population uses Windows. I'm used to being a minority. Many of those people only use Windows because they are scared to try something better. And the remaining people will never switch because they are stubborn, they like dealing with viruses, spyware, and hackers, and they don't mind frequent crashes.

Visit Apple's newly re-designed Switch page. It does a beautiful job of explaining what makes Macs so much better.

Naked Nashville - my first time

2005-08-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

I have a funny story about my first time in Nashville.

It was Sunday morning, the week of Christmas, 2004. Rodney and I stayed here to look for homes before visiting our family. We had went to a famous Nashville location, which was directly across the street from our hotel.

We were leaving this place and walking back towards the hotel. We had a great view of the front of the hotel, so we stopped to take a picture. After taking the picture, I looked up and noticed a man on the 4th floor standing in the window of the hotel, completely naked and talking on his cell phone. There was no glare on the window, it was very clear that this man had no clothes on and he was facing us.

I stopped and said "Rodney, look at that naked man!". He didn't believe me until he focused his eyes on the windows and found the guy's room. We just stood there staring like a bunch of tourists, and this guy must have seen us. He had to know that he was flashing the whole street.

You've heard the phrase "take a picture, it will last longer". Well, I did. I took a picture of the naked guy in the window, and still get a good laugh out of it! I actually have 2 pictures. When I took the full view of the hotel, the guy can be seen in that picture. And he can be seen again in the closer view I took.

Out of respect for the man, the hotel, and the famous location, I can't post the photo. But I had to tell the story, because it was hilarious in person.

You know, I'm just a small town guy, I haven't been to many cities, and I've never seen a naked guy just dangling his business in the window. This was my introduction to the city of Nashville :)

Porn in my Yahoo Mail!

2005-08-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

It's hilarious. I went to my Yahoo mail, and this ad for men's hair color is softcore porn. I swear this woman is about to give this man a blowjob. And it's bad 80's porn.

Rodney says he doesn't see it. Do you? Click the thumbnail above for a larger version. I posted a thumbnail because I didn't want people to think the ad was part of my blog.

Remember boys... man + hair color = blowjob. That's all it takes.

Annoying Gay Movie Trend #69: Dirty Dicks

2005-08-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, let's just get this out on the table. I'm sure SOMEONE somewhere has noticed this gross trend. I've noticed it in some of the most popular gay movies and it has to stop!

Here's the scene: a guy goes to the bathroom to pee, he doesn't wipe his dick, and he doesn't wash his hands (you know who you are!). I realize a lot of guys pee and don't wipe, but why? Women wipe after they pee, what makes you so special that you don't have to wipe?

Do you have a self cleaning cock? Huh? I think not. So now you're putting your dick back in your drawers with pee still on it. Yuck.

Now I find that many gay guys are aware of this. You've sucked dick, and you know you don't want dirty dick, right? So when you pee, you wipe out of consideration (plus it's just dirty to NOT wipe).

The bathroom scenes are always uncomfortable anyway. The dialogue and sound effects always make me cringe. If you're going to film a man pee, PLEASE have him clean up. If he were really gay, he probably would have.

Moving on... they don't wash their hands. Again, this is a bad trait that a lot of men have. But as a general rule, gay guys are better about washing their hands.

So why do the guys pee, and not wash? Then they walk out of the bathroom, and everything they touch makes me think "he's spreading his piss & dick germs".

Naming names (of course I'm going to call you out on it):

Eating Out - Loved the movie, hated the bathroom scene. It had no point at all. Technically, the character was straight posing as gay, but still, can't he be more considerate? Just minutes later, he was eating dinner at the table (dirty hands). And then hours later, he was about to get it on with this girl. I hope she didn't do oral, because he was dirrrty.

Angles in America - Another great movie. After this guy's "first time", he randomly hopped out of bed and peed, with the door open. No wiping, no cleaning hands, then he had breakfast. Why?

Trick - Dear, sweet Trick. One of the first gay movies of the 21st century. Why did the two lead guys have to pee together at the end? It had no point. And again, no wipe, no clean hands.

Okay, that's the end of this edition of Annoying Gay Movie Trends. Guys, I do realize these people are just pretending to pee. But if you're going to make us sit through the uncomfortable bathroom scenes, please clean up better, k?

If you have any Annoying Gay Movie Trends, please feel free to add them to the Comments. I want to know what movie moments make you cringe every time!

How do I edit blog design?

2005-08-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I've done some modifications to the original template blogger.com provided me. I like the blue and pink, I made the header graphic myself (those are my legs with my pants down, hence the "nathan exposed" title). But the templates are a bitch to edit.

Does anybody know how to do more advanced editing on the blogger templates? There is this large gap between the header and the content and I can't get it to go away.

Any advice is appreciate, please leave a comment. Thanks

Nashville & Keith Urban

2005-08-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

A new note to mention that I really like Keith Urban's CD, "Be Here". Okay, so I live in Nashville now... it was only a matter of time before I started talking about country music. On the contrary, a lot of people here HATE country music. They are anti-country, especially since they live in Nashville and are stereotyped to automatically love it.

To be honest, many of the people I meet are not hardcore country people. They don't wear cowboy hats and are very down to earth people (though way too conservative). And there are a lot of liberal, free thinking people too. They love to stand out with their opinions & unique personalities.

We are the smaller version of Hollywood. We do have a lot of people in the music industry, and hundreds more who are trying to make it. It's pretty exciting.

Okay I'm way off the subject. Anyway I do really like Keith Urban's CD, and he seems like the type of guy you could just sit and talk to if you saw him around town. Who knows...maybe I will see him someday. He lives here, of course.

And I always like to know a person's astrology sign...to see if we share some of the same traits. He's a Scorpio, and I understand where he is coming from in his words. Maybe it's just because he is a great writer and knows how to connect with people, and has nothing to do with his birthday. Whatever the case, it's good music

Oh... and once I read that he doesn't wear underwear. That's really hot, yet kind of gross, all at the same time :)

It's Friday - week in review

2005-08-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

I am so glad it's Friday. It really started out as a week from Hell, but things finally started getting better on Thursday morning, and it looks like they will continue going uphill for awhile. Let's hope anyway.

Today's topic is Entertainment. When I started this blog a few weeks ago, I was trying to work through the sad feelings as the 1 year anniversary of my Grandmother's passing approached. Mixed in were some random rants about how much I hate George W. Bush, and it was all pretty dark stuff.

So I'm feeling good today, and would like to talk about some favorite shows and music. Rodney and I love watching the re-runs of Golden Palace on Lifetime. We're big Golden Girls fans. It's a great show. If you think the show is just for older people -- you are sadly mistaken. It was really a show ahead of its time. It covered all the controversial and uncomfortable issues that still exist today. Obviously the show can't solve all these issues, but it did offer an uplifting insight to them all.

And The Golden Palace was the spin-off of the series in 1992 (remember spin-offs?). It isn't nearly as funny as the first series, and it only lasted 1 season. But Rodney and I don't remember the original Golden Palace episodes, so we love seeing them for the first time.

Of course, I still watch my other favorites.... Big Brother and Kathy Griffin. Sadly, Queer as Folk has run its final new episode now *sigh* And we can't wait for Ellen Degeneres to be back this fall. Oh, and Desperate Housewives.

Big Brother time

2005-08-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

35 more minutes and it's time for Big Brother 6! This whole show is built around human nature and the fact that people will lie, cheat, and whatever else just to win money. They aren't left on a deserted island to fend for themselves. The only real hardships are the mind games they play with each other.

I'm a jerk for even promoting this madness. AND I LOVE IT! Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, we can't get enough!

And hey kids...have you voted for who you want to return to the Big Brother house? Vote for Eric. I know he's annoying as hell, but Kaysar and Michael are E-V-I-L!

So it's annoying fireman vs. mean backstabbers...you be the judge

Kathy Griffin's Best Gay Blog

2005-08-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

Kathy's "best gay", Dennis, has a blog now. I love Kathy Griffin's new show, and so I wanted to add a quick link to the blog. Click here to read it.

Tomorrow is a new episode of her new show on Bravo. I can't wait.

Always something there...

2005-08-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

... to bring me down.

It is my general nature to always be bitching about something, because something always seems to be wrong in life. I try to be an optimist, and most people who know me describe me as a very friendly, upbeat person. But that doesn't change the fact that a lot of shit is always going on behind the scenes.

There is always some insane bill that surprises us. For example, I found out today that there are $262 worth of lab fees for a doctor visit in March that I now have to pay. I just got the bill now...5 months later. All I wanted was my cholesterol reading, but the doctor ordered all these other expensive tests, and now the lab is saying it is my responsibility to deal with the problem. To get the charges removed, the doctor will have to admit he ordered them without my consent. YEAH RIGHT! My doctor turned out to be an asshole, there's no way he will admit being wrong.

And we're always over our heads in debt thanks to unplanned expenses like these. No wonder we can't pay off our debt. It never goes away.

That's just a small example, there is always something like this going on. I spend so much of my time trying to work out billing issues...does anybody in this world understand how to charge people correctly?

This week has been especially stressful...more than usual.

The bright side

This is taking a really big leap of faith, but most of my problems do get resolved. It requires countless hours on the phone and writing complaint letters. It also requires weeks, even months of waiting, and endless amounts of patience (which I was not born with!).

God, please be with me. I just wish my life could be steady for awhile. And poor Rodney gets sucked into all these problems too. My problems become his, and we work on them as a team...but really I just wish things could be calm for awhile.

When you rent a car...

2005-08-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

Take the insurance! It's a very long story, but to summarize... when you rent a car, you will be offered insurance for a few dollars more. It is not a scam! It doesn't matter if you already have auto insurance, take the extra protection that is being offered to you. We learned the hard way.

"we will survive"

2005-08-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Those were the parting words in the narration of Queer As Folk. Tonight was the last episode of the U.S. series. We're sad to see you go, guys. Your brilliance and honesty has helped shaped an entire era of television, and helped pave the future for gay television.

Thank you for everything you've done. Thank you for giving insight into gay people as real human beings, not just airheaded sidekicks on sitcoms. Thank you for inspiring today's gay youth & adults to be strong and be themselves, even in these troubled times. If this show were around when I was growing up, I have no doubt it would have seriously helped me come to terms with being gay.

But now it's happened, and nobody can take that away. Your legacy will live on thanks to DVD's and re-runs, and you will be there to inspire and educate both gay and straight audiences. Your presence will be missed on Sunday nights, but we know that you have left your mark in history, and that can never be changed.

Nathan 5 Years later

2005-08-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be interesting if you could go back in time and tell the younger version of yourself some pearls of wisdom about your future?
-----
Dear Young Nathan

Sorry this letter is late, you know how bad you are about procrastinating sometimes. But better late than never, I suppose. There are some things I need you to hear.

First of all, a belated congratulations on your graduation from high school. I know it has been the most unbearable journey, full of hard times and self-doubt. But you made it! You really made it. You didn’t give up the fight, you didn’t drop out or runaway. I know you wanted to, but now it’s all behind you. And next time you are in school (well college), you will be “popular”…I know you wanted to be. You will also be appreciated for your intelligence, and accepted as a gay man. So keep smiling, the best is yet to come.

It’s 5 years later now, and if a voice inside could have told you the future, I’m sure you would have liked to know a little about it. I can’t go back in time and prepare you for what comes next, but at least I can talk about it now.

Second of all, fuck all the people who brought you down. At the time, it may have seemed like they were on top, and I know you felt like an outcast. Big deal. You have always stuck to your own beliefs and morals. You’ve believed in your creative visions, you’ve avoided drugs, and you’ve tried to be an honest, genuine person. I know that’s hard when liars, backstabbers, and wannabes surround you.

In the large scope of life, acceptance from your high school peers meant nothing. When you come back to your hometown to visit, the people who brought you down will be suffering for their mistakes. Some of the biggest bullies will still be living with their parents, have no direction in life, and will wonder where they went wrong. They will be stuck in the same small town with nothing to show for all their years of arrogance.

You, on the other hand, will have a strong marriage, a successful career, and a great amount of respect and self-confidence. And best of all, you will have gained these things without compromising your character. So just remember that you took the high road.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying though. Life is always filled with ups and downs. You will suffer the effects of an unstable economy. People you love will die without any warning, and your heart will be broken. Relationships will fall apart when you thought they would last forever, and everything you think you know now will be turned upside down.

It will all workout, somehow. You will become stronger after each dramatic surprise or loss.

Third, and finally, please appreciate those who are still with you. Over time, you will get much better about this. A lot of friends will come and go. So far, your friend Winso is the only one who will stick around. But I only know the future as of today, so maybe there will be others.

And another friend will become your new love. I can’t elaborate on that too much because you think Dennis is the one right now. Well enjoy it while it lasts. He’s certainly “the one” for you right now. You’re 18, just starting out on your own, so just enjoy the times while you can.

In many ways, life just gets harder. But it does get better too. New lives will form, new loves will bloom, and new memories will take place.

Take care, young Nathan.

Love,

Nathan, 23

Bobby!!!

2005-08-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have to confess I can't stop thinking about the new reality TV show "Being Bobby Brown" on Bravo.

First of all, if you don't know what it is -- basically it's cameras following around Whitney Houston in her daily displays of madness & confusion. I don't care if the show is supposed to be about Bobby, you know damn well it's about Whitney.

It's difficult to watch 2 mins. of the show without thinking "this is ridiculous, why I am I watching this?". It really is crazy. But there is always this day-after effect that I get. I start hearing Whitney in my head yelling "Bobby! Bobby!". She does it all the time. She stumbles around, strung out on drugs, and is always searching for Bobby...who is usually drunk in some corner, mumbling to the camera about how much he loves his wife and kids.

My favorite example is when they were in London shopping, and she was just walking around in the mall saying "Bobby! Bobby?" and she'd just ask random people "Have you seen my husband?".

Then there are the random references to "The Bodyguard", which came out 13 years ago! Whitney will sing part of "I'm Every Woman" or Bobby will say that Whitney looks like she did in the movie. C'mon...it's been 13 years! I guess her fans aren't the only ones who think Whitney was better in the 90's.

And the final thing I love is when Whitney will stop what she's been doing, and say "Whew." Like she's exhausted from walking up some steps, and she just has to say "Whew" in that singing voice...like it's part of a song, and she'll tilt her head and say it. And she also throws in this crazy fake laugh sometimes. It's very thick, I don't know where it comes from, but it doesn't even sound like her.

So I hate this show, but have to confess I love some of the crazy things that stick with me afterward.

"Bobby!! Bobby... Where is my husband?...crazy laugh...Whew...."

the d-lister

2005-08-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched Kathy Griffin's new TV show on Bravo, Kathy Griffin: Life on the D-List. It was hilarious! I love Kathy Griffin, and I'm glad she's got her own TV show. I also saw her new stand-up special, Kathy Griffin is Not Nicole Kidman, and it was equally funny... especially her material on Clay Aiken ("Gayken" as she calls him). I used to live in Raleigh, where Clay is from.

If you haven't seen Kathy's new show or stand-up special, I highly recommend them both. Find out more info at: http://www.bravotv.com/Kathy_Griffin/

Melissa Etheridge is "back"!

2005-08-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

I just read a quick article on Yahoo! about Melissa Etheridge, with an update on her recovery from cancer.

"I would say I'm 97 percent back now," Etheridge told AP Radio in an interview. "It is very hard. ... Chemotherapy is so hard on a person. And I would say I'm fully recovered, yeah."

I was just listening to Melissa's "Lucky" CD this morning. It's such a great CD. Due to her cancer, I know she wasn't able to promote this album nearly as much as it deserved. But it is a phenominal CD filled with compelling and insightful songs.

Good for you, Melissa. I'm so glad you've made it.

"I'm feeling good"

2005-08-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

I really have a habit of starting out posts with song titles. I guess it helps summarize what I feel. "Feeling Good" is a song by Michael Buble. I love that song, it makes me feel empowered. I listened to it a lot on the way to work. Rodney likes it too. And we also like his song "Home", though it is heart wrenching because it reminds us of Grandma.

But I am feeling pretty good. I've fallen off the wagon, just as I said I would. I didn't post anything here yesterday, after posting every day last week. And I didn't post over the weekend, but I probably never will so I'm not counting that.

This past weekend was filled with a high amount of drama (there's usually always some amount in my life). But I'm optimistic. Things almost always work out in my life, one way or another. Which leads me to this new goal I have, though I have no idea if I will act on it.

In another news, I've thrown around the idea, and wonder about writing a book about my life, focused on the "coming out" years. Most gay people have a story about coming out. And I know heteros would probably just roll your eyes and say 'what's the big deal?" I can see why it's hard to understand, but really it's an amazing thing to come out. There is so much deeply embedded hate and tension in this world about being gay. When you take that bold step and say "I am not afraid to be me", there is so much courage and strength required.

And many stories have gone unheard. I do feel like a survivor, I feel like I've made it through a lot of rough stuff and turned out to be a very strong and successful person. I want to share my story with others, in hopes it would inspire at least one gay person. Because when I was going through it all, I needed somebody to tell me his story. (Ellen Degeneres was my somebody, by the way. She gave me inspiration when she came out in 1997.)

When I look at my blog, I see rambling pages full of untamed emotion and thoughts. It isn't very organized, but it's hard to organize the heart and mind. So it's okay.

But it would be nice to get my story out, revise and re-organize it in a book format, and try to get it published. We'll see. The bottom line of the book would be "I am undefeated". The people who hurt me and tried to bring me down in the past...they have not kept me from living my life. And I want them to see it. And I want others to know they can come out on top too.

If there was a theme song for the book, it would undoubtedly be "Feeling Good".

"It only hurts when I breathe..."

2005-07-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

As sung by the brave and talented Melissa Etheridge.

Today it's been one year since I found out my Grandma passed away. I was eating lunch with my co-workers in Raleigh at a restaurant, when my mother called me on my cell phone and told me that she had been found in her home by my aunt. The news was heartbreaking and shocking, as I completely lost it there in that restaurant.

I went across the street to the hotel where Rodney was working, and had him come outside. I burst into tears as he held me and I let all the pain out. We traveled to Illinois for the funeral, those were the darkest days of my life. I have never cried so much.

In the back of my mind, I always had thoughts of moving closer to the family to be there in good times and in bad. This tragic event caused me to move full force with plans to move to Nashville, 3 hours from our family. I spent the following months researching, reviewing, and planning how to go about this big move.

Obviously it was a risk. We had stable jobs and a set lifestyle there in Raleigh. Moving would mean sacrificing job security, home security, and leaving behind some great friends. But I decided we needed to be closer to our family, and Rodney eventually agreed.

1 year later, we are now here in Nashville. We have stable jobs, we have a home, it looks like we really made it. I'm just sorry we couldn't be here in your last days Grandma. But how could we ever know you would pass so suddenly?

It appeared that Grandma forgot to take some of her medication, and somehow just passed in the night. She was sitting in her chair, it happened sometime the night before. It did not appear that she was in any amount of suffering or pain.

I received an e-mail from my Dad last night and an e-mail from my aunt, who found my Grandma. It's very sad to acknowledge this anniversary. I wish we never had to die. I know that sounds child-like, but I really hate having to miss a woman I love so much.

Well Grandma, you're in our thoughts, hearts, and prayers today and every day. And the same goes for both my Grandpa's. I was too young to understand you both the way I understood Grandma, but I know you were wonderful men. I love each of you and we miss each one of you.

In closing, some lyrics from the Melissa Etheridge song "Breathe", which I used to listen to in the car and completely break-down to:

"I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe

And I can't ask for things to be still again
No I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you"

Let's Talk About: Bush

2005-07-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

Now that we've lived in Nashville nearly a month, I want to point out the one thing that drives me crazy every single day - Bush bumper stickers.

Aside from my obvious hatred for Bush as a homophobe, there are countless other wrongs Bush has done in office that I can't imagine these people have overlooked.

It is a "free" country (unless you're gay, in which the basic rights of marriage are segregated), so obviously these people have the right to put whatever they want on their bumper. But come on, open your eyes people.

Should I mention the fact that thousands of innocent human beings are being killed overseas every day, for no reason at all? Did we overlook the announcement that there are no weapons of mass destruction? Does anybody remember that Saddam is out of power, and therefore does not pose a threat? How about the fact that Bin Laden, who coordinated Sept. 11th anyway, is rarely ever mentioned anymore? (By the way, check out the FACTS in Fahrenheit 9/11 and you'll know why Bush will never harm the Bin Laden family).

Maybe the loss of thousands of innocent souls isn't enough to make Bush supporters question their leader. Fine. Then how about the overall actions, personality, and presence of George W. Bush? Is that not enough to turn you away?

Hmmm... I asked my Mother her feelings about Bush. My Mother is a wonderful woman, and I value her opinion. I don't always agree with it, considering she is a very conservative Catholic. Nonetheless, I do respect her. She's been on this earth much longer than I have, so perhaps she had some pearls of wisdom.

Her reason for supporting Bush was because he was Anti-Abortion. REALLY???!!! That's all? I expected so much more.

Now I'm against abortion too. I don't believe in murdering helpless babies. But I'm not going to harp on that topic because I honestly cannot stop a woman from having an abortion. No matter what a president says, it cannot be stopped.

So this one topic, which can't even really be regulated, is the reason my Mother supports Bush? Wow. Unbelievable. So is that one of the big reasons a lot of these people have Bush bumper stickers? Unbelievable!

He might not support killing American babies in their wombs, but he sure as hell supports killing thousands of innocent soldiers, civilians, men, women, and children in other countries. Open up your eyes people!

This man is being probed by all kinds of departments and groups. I am surprised he hasn't been kicked out of office yet. How can people not see what Bush is doing to this world? Not only is he ruining the United States of America, he has spread his carnage all over the world. How can one administration have that much power? If I removed the name Bush, you probably would think I was speaking about terrorists, wouldn't you?

A-HA! I've got you there. If I name all the terrible things Bush has done, you might think I'm talking about a terrorist group or psychotic leader of another country. But nope, I'm talking about none other than George W. Bush. And you've got his name all over your cars.

I know, I know... this ranting post is just one out of millions that are probably already on the web. So I'm just making my contribution, because I just can't believe how many people blindly support this monster despite all the things he has done.

And I'm sure more rants will follow.

"I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away"

2005-07-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

That title is a lyric from the song "You Oughta Know".

Just a short note to say one of my all time favorite CD's has been re-released. Alanis Morissette's "Jagged Little Pill" was profoundly inspirational to me 10 years ago, and now an acoustic version has been recorded and released in tribute. Alanis is always creative, and re-recording the album was a great way to re-visit a classic.

Getting it all out - chapter 2

2005-07-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

Day 2 of blogging, I must admit I've quite enjoyed this whole blog concept. In my first post, I said I had a big problem with it. But here's the catch -- I don't plan on publishing my real full name any time soon. That's my happy medium. I can do the blogging thing, but I don't care to put all my personal identity info out on the net.

So let me start with the sad stuff, the stuff that really hurts. Almost a year ago, my grandmother passed away. I lived on the East Coast, she and the rest of my family were in the Midwest. It was unexpected, my aunt just walked in and found her that day.

I have come very far in terms of dealing with the loss, but as I near the anniversary of it, many feelings are re-surfacing. And since it was so unexpected, I didn't have that window of opportunity that you might have if somebody was ill.

I'm skipping some parts, because mainly I want to say how much I love her, and how it's still hard to believe she is not physically here anymore. Not only was she an incredible woman, filled with love and understanding, she was also the first family member to accept me as a gay man, and showed a genuine love for my husband Rodney. It would be nice if being gay was just as easy as being heterosexual. But thanks to society and religious hypocrites, it's very hard being gay sometimes. So having her acceptance was a starting point for me.

Now that I've been out for 8 years now, I have very little need for "acceptance". I know exactly who I am and nobody can change that or take it away from me. I don't need approval to go on. But there was a time when I did need acceptance, and she provided it. Grandma always wanted me to be happy. And her acceptance helped give me strength.

Thank you so much Grandma, for everything you are. There is a lot to say about you, all of it positive. You have taught me so many lessons in life, just by being you.

Grandma was not demanding, she did not force or instill anything on me. When I say she taught me lessons, I mean she did it just by living. Her example set the tone for it all. And I try to live my life as an example too.

I quickly find that all my blog entries become very deep very quickly. On the surface, I can be so light and easy. But like I said yesterday, I'm highly emotional, and getting it all out stirs up the waters in me. I'm enjoying it though.

Well my hands are getting tired from typing, so I know it's time to wrap up. More to come, though!

You Don't Know...

2005-07-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

You don't know what you mean to me.

You can't even begin to imagine how much I love you and genuinely care about you. I think about you all day. Even after 4 years, I still feel that spark for you. I still can't wait until I get off work so I can come home to you.

I'm here at lunch now, eating this delicious meal you made for us and our family yesterday. You are such a good cook. You are so many good things.

I apologize for the times when I am harsh with you. It's an ugly thing, but it is part of my nature. I feel very bad after I do it, and you'll probably never understand this, but it is actually good for me (even though it's bad for us).

I spent so many years of my life repressing my internal anger. It ate my insides, it made me sick and I felt so heavy. Now I just let it out and go on. If something irritates me, I snap, I say what I mean, and I'm over it.

Whenever I can, I will attempt to be more constructive when something bothers me. But one way or another, I have to let it out. I can't bottle it up. But I love you so much, and I don't want you to be hurt. You certainly don't deserve to suffer for my own turmoils.

Having you in my life is the greatest thing. There is no one else that I am closer to. You are my best friend, my soulmate, my companion, my partner, my husband, whatever you want to call it - you are all that and more to me. There are secret thoughts that I share with you, that I would never share with anyone else. You're the only one who deserves to know some of them, and the only one who could understand.

Thank you so much for being who and what you are. You are so beautiful to me. I love seeing you as you look back at me. I just wanted you to know, because I feel like there is so much that you don't know. And out of all you might not know, it's how much I love you.

Getting it all out - chapter 1

2005-07-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

Everybody talks about blogging, it's huge right now, even in the office I work in. And I get asked a lot if I have a blog. Well I didn't, but I'm trying this out.

Why blog? I'm a tech fan, but often slow to adopt new concepts. I don't like to jump on new trends, because many disappear overnight. If something is long-term, eventually I will become involved.

So I'm supposed to talk about ME? Feels funny. I have a lot to say, a lot that I feel, but it's hard to imagine exposing it to anyone who might stumble upon it. To be honest, I have a *big problem* with creating my own blog.

I have always been an extremely private person. Very few people really know or understand me. I feel that a lot of people "enjoy" talking with me, but I only really expose the surface of who I am. So the mere thought of sharing my thoughts and feelings online, where anyone can read them, is jarring.

Therefore I may never put my real name on this. I may never share it with friends. This is my test phase.

I had so much to say, but now I'm just exhausted by my own thoughts and I don't care to get them out. I usually rehearse something dozens of times in my head before I ever announce it outloud. So you can understand why just having a conversation with someone is so tiring for me. And in the end, everyone just thinks I'm a quiet, mysterious, and very internal person. This is true most of the time. But part of it is also because I think so much that by the time I decide I want to talk about it, I don't care to share it anymore.

This isn't going anywhere, is it? Welcome to my mind. This is every day for me. But when it does come out, it is cool, calm, and collected.... or loud, explosive, and destructive...depending on the mood.

And there is another point to expose. I am HIGHLY EMOTIONAL...more than anyone could ever imagine. But other times, I am highly detached, with no concerns, feelings, or problems. I avoid telling people that I am emotional because it is very easily misunderstood as being highly sensitive. And highly sensitive leads to being labeled "weak" or "vulnerable".

I am neither weak, nor vulnerable. I stand strong on my beliefs, feelings, and opinions when it comes down to the heart of the matter. But I am emotional ...I let it all flow through me, and I try to accept it. I am also sensitive to myself, and to others. I feel a lot for people.

It's a river though. An ocean. It can lie dormant for days, weeks, months, or years. And that's another problem with this blog concept. If I talk about it, if I let it all out, who knows where it will lead? There are some emotions that I would hate to stir up. They could shake up my whole foundation if I ever allowed myself to dwell or feel some of the things that I've felt in the past.

Because I've felt a lot...let me tell you. Whew, here it comes. All these lengthy paragraphs, this is exactly what I knew would happen if I started blogging. At least upfront, it would be very long. Eventually it might be a few sentences a days, like most blogs I see.

I'm not always predictable either. I can write in the same blog for 60 days straight, at the same time each day, without fail. Then suddenly it will all change. I might lag for a month, then come back. Or I might lag forever, and never return. That's just how I am, you see. I can be the same person every day for an extended period, then something happens inside and it all changes.

Those who are really, REALLY close to me --- I always return for them. Unless I am unforgivably deceived or offended, then I am the most loyal person you'll ever know.

Okay this was actually good. I am starving for lunch, so I will go. But I'm glad I got started. We'll see where this goes.